Hello, my porkchops! 

So someone has decided to pay me money to put spikes on my feet and climb 100 foot trees with a chainsaw.  That's my forte!  Here is a conversation I had with a loser in the KOA camping park here in Billings while trimming a cottonwood the size of a house.  Keep in mind that he is interrupting my work.  He ambled over with his white wifebeater and smokes for this:

me:  "Hi there."

loser:  "Whatcha doin' to that tree?"

me:  (pointing at power lines above) " Trimming it away from the power lines."

loser:  "What kinda tree is that?"

me:  "Cottonwood."

loser:  "Well, how come you're cuttin' it?"

me:  (pointing at power lines above)  "Powerlines."

loser:  "I cut down an aspen or ash in my front yard."

me:  "Cool."

loser:  "Are those the same tree?"

me:  "huh?"

loser:  "Aspen is an Ash right?"

me:  "Actually, I'm just starting this job.  I'm no tree expert or anything like that."

loser:  "Well, Cottonwoods are not pine trees."

me:  "Nope.  They're not.  Well, I..."

loser:  "What's the weight on this bad boy?"

me:  "I don't know.  But I gotta get back to...."

loser:  "Are Aspens the same as Ashes?"

me:  "Yup.  And this tree weighs 55 tons."

loser:  "Oh, and...."

me:  "You have a good one sir, I need to have you step back over there now."

I'm such an ass.

 

The only thing that could have made this better would be if he was wearing Razor shades and missing at least one front tooth.

I have a haircut at 3:30 today and I'm thinking that it's about time to embrace the fact that I was born to wear a mullet. You've been telling me this for years. I need a smoke.

Oh Good God John! Just say no to the mullet!

The image of you hanging in a tree telling this guy to get bent is an awesome one. Next time try the Officer Barbrady "Nothing to see here folks, now move along".

If this happens to you in the next few days, you could always throw phlegm at them. Being sick isn't such a bad thing when you're 30 feet up in a tree...

Lon, or your chancellorship, or whatever title you are going by today. This is clearly a "Here's your sign" story. I don't know which is scarier, this Bozo OR JMac with a mullet. What's this world coming to?

I don't know Buzzy. JMac with a mustache only was pretty scary. The mullet might just be funny.

You are not an ass...you are my hero! That is friggin' awesome!

Juan...your passion for this mullet thing is obvious. You have been talking about it for some time now and to that I say this...stop being such a chicken shit about it and do it already! You know you want to...time to start thinking about your image and what you want to bring to the next generation who will be watching you from afar envious that you are the rock star they dream of being...I think a mullet is the way to go on this...

Well that was fun...I think I have done my job on this blog...I shall move along now...have a nice day...

Sir Dartboard: You are anything but an ass. Jmac in a mullet.... well, you make the call.